How to Find (and Be) a Good Dude Mentor
FINDING THE RIGHT MENTORS
The ideal mentor is someone who is a bit further along in their faith journey. They do not necessarily need to be older, but life experience usually brings greater wisdom. Nor do they need to be an expert in every aspect of manhood. It is ok to ask one man to mentor you on marriage, and someone else to coach you on fatherhood, your work, etc. Here are a few ideas on finding a mentor:
1. Ask God to help you identify someone that you respect enough to speak into your life.
2. Decide what specific areas that you would like to have this person mentor you in such as marriage, ministry, finances, spiritual growth, parenting, etc.
3. Ask the person to consider mentoring you for a specific season rather than leaving the time frame open ended. For example, “Bill, I’ve seen how you operate as a husband. I could learn from someone like you. Would you consider spending time mentoring me to help me become a better husband? In the next four months I’d like to meet with you three of four times over coffee or lunch, my treat. I’d set up the meetings and send you three or four questions I’d like to ask ahead of time. Please think about it and I will call you tomorrow to follow up.”
4. Call the next day. If they are unable or unwilling to meet your request approach someone else in the same way. If they are open to mentoring you, schedule your first meeting to occur within 10 days.
5. At the end of the specified season it is ok for you to go a different direction or ask if they would be open to another specific stretch of time.
FINDING OTHERS TO MENTOR
Who can you encourage and coach toward becoming a more Godly man? Some men are hesitant to ask for a mentor. That’s why those who are willing and able to do so should pour into younger men. Look for someone who is FAT—not heavy, but someone who is Faithful, Available, and Teachable. Here’s what that means:
Faithful: They’ve demonstrated maturity and you see greater potential with the right encouragement and coaching.
Available: They seem hungry to learn and would take your investment seriously.
Teachable: They usually respond well to coaching and instruction. When approaching someone to mentor, use similar guidelines to those you would use asking to be mentored.
A few suggestions…
1. Ask God to help you identify someone who would benefit from your encouragement and coaching.
2. Decide what specific areas that you would like to invest in this person. (i.e. marriage, ministry, finances, spiritual growth, parenting, etc.)
3. Don’t feel awkward about making the offer. Your goal is not to say “I’m so brilliant I think you need me to mentor you.” It is rather to say that you see potential in him that you would love to help unleash. For example, “Would you consider me mentoring you in this specific area for this certain amount of time? I will set the meetings and I will provide you with a list of things to be thinking about before we meet.”
4. At the end of the specified mentoring season reassess whether both of you would like to continue for another specified period of time.
It Starts At Home by Kurt Bruner and Steve Stroope Explains why marriage is a key path of our spiritual formation and provides practical advice for intentional couples.
The Marriage Masterpiece by Al Janssen Unveils the beauty of God’s design for ever y marriage.
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs Discusses a powerful biblical model for each spouse understanding and meeting the other’s most deeply felt need.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman How to discover/serve your spouse’s unique love language.
A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas Rosenau Is a guide to enjoying God’s gift of sexual intimacy.
Simply Romantic Nights Kit from Family Life Ministries Discover intimacy in a new light using a series of his/her date night ideas
First Christian Church Resources
First Christian Church offers a variety of Life Groups and other opportunities for you to learn, grow and connect in community with others. Another great way to form potential mentoring relationships is by getting involved on a volunteer team. Stop by the Welcome Center on Sunday to talk with someone who can help you get connected with other people and resources.
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